My Big Fat Diary of Husbandy Antics – August 2015

  I’ve decided I’m going to start a diary of all things ‘Husbandy’ or for those who are not married; ‘boyfriendy’! Yeah, you all know what I’m talking about, things that your husbands/boyfriends do that drive you crazy. Its a man thing.

6th August 2015

Tonight I found the hand towel in the bathroom stuffed between the bath and the sink – neither over the bath, nor on the side of the sink, NOR OVER THE HOOK WHERE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE! Yes, we have a hook, it’s not even a rail where you have to fold the towel neatly and hang it over, you can literally throw the towel at the hook and it will stay there! Anyway, it made it completely impossible for me to actually grab the towel without it falling through the gap it had been stuffed into and onto the floor! It’s just lazy FFS! How hard is it to throw a towel at a hook?!

8th August 2015

3am. Massive rip roaring sleep fart wakes me up with a scare and an involuntary ‘what?!’ before groaning on the realisation of what it actually was and trying to get back to sleep for the next hour! 5am (hasten to add I’d not long got back to sleep) Creepy laughing in his sleep scares the bejesus out of me! I am now wide awake because it sounds like my husband is turning into a psychopath and I’m too scared to close my eyes. Note for next marriage: don’t pick a sleep farting psychopath!

9th August

‘Let’s watch a film tonight’ he says. Then promptly falls asleep and snores so loudly I can’t hear it.

13th August

I bought a little postcard for Beardy today which said ‘I love you more than cheese’ which, for me, is quite a statement! I thought it would be cute to hide it in the bed so he saw it when he got in. I tucked it half under the pillow but he didn’t say anything when he got into bed?! Then when he got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet I felt under his pillow, it was still there, so I pulled it half out again. He got back into bed. Didn’t say anything. Then he got up again about an hour later, I felt again, it was gone! In the morning I was a bit disappointed he hadn’t said anything so I asked him if he had found anything under his pillow. ‘No’ he said ‘but I did have something stuck to my back when I got up in the night, like a postcard or something??’ ‘Oh, what did you do with it?’ ‘I threw it on the floor’. Lovely. Last time I do a romantic gesture!

16th August

Watching the Golf (PGA tonight). He’s copying the crowd and the American commentators. ‘In the hole!’ ‘Luuuuuuuke’ (which sounds like boooooo) but he doesn’t just say them; he booms them, really loudly, like hurty ear loudly. Beardy kinda looks like a Bear so imagine how loud a Bears shout would be; that’s him.

Tonight he’s been copying the commentators, not even interesting stuff, I think he just likes the sound of his American accent ‘nice shot Justin’, ‘he had a real nice one back at 5’, ‘oh man, what a great shot’, boring stuff. He talks to them too; ‘thanks Butch’ and agrees with them ‘uh huh, mm, mm’ and nods his head. He also does that thing where you whistle from high to low while the ball is travelling towards the hole. Padraig just came on commentating and he’s just asked me (in an Irish accent) ‘can I copy the Irish commentators instead? aar to be sure’. Idiot. Shhhhh. Just watch.

18th August

Complete inability to sit on the sofa and eat without spilling something down himself. Tonight he basically poured a whole pot of yoghurt down his t-shirt. Seriously, how old are you!?

To be totally honest I didn’t think I’d find enough things to write about for this, how wrong I was! I think we’ll leave it there for August…..until next time…… 

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