Bums, Boobs and Toilet Humour!

builders bum

Seriously, am I the only one who doesn’t find toilet humour funny? It definitely seems to be a boy thing. We watched The Inbetweeners 2 a few weeks ago, I was literally gagging and couldn’t watch with all the poo and wee in peoples faces, yes I really did say ‘in peoples faces’, gross right? Beardy was cracking up and I was covering my eyes, trying not to puke. Call me old fashioned but I just don’t get it.

From as soon as Bear could speak and understand, he found the words Poo and Wee funny, still does, and I’m sure will continue to do so for as long as he lives if Beardy is anything to go by. Same with body parts! Bottom, Bum, Willy, Boobs – all hilarious! 

I try not to swear in front of the children so the other day when I stubbed my toe I screamed ‘AAAH…….’ hesitating, trying to think of something that would satisfy my urge to swear, and came out with ‘BUM!’….well, that was it, the kids couldn’t stop laughing, which then made me laugh, begrudgingly at first I might add, but I soon forgot about my sore toe. 

I tell my kids not to say ‘Bum’, “bottom please!” but if they follow in my footsteps and use this instead of swearing (not yet obviously, they’re 4 and 6!) I really don’t think I can complain too much.

If I thought it would work, I would urge everyone when they’re upset and frustrated and they feel the need to swear to replace it with the word ‘Bum’ instead; it has to be said loudly by the way, shouted in fact, it might not work, it probably won’t, but there is a very small chance that it might make you smile instead of getting angry, one thing is for certain though; it will definitely make your kids laugh – apparently there is just something funny about it!

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Chorizo, Prawn and Sweet Potato Risotto

prawn&chorizo risotto

Sorry about the soft hue over the picture, I think it must have been the steam but looks a bit like some sort of sultry porno food picture! …..umm…anyway….

I’ve gone a bit mad on Chorizo recently, every time I go shopping Chorizo is on my list and it always ends up in some kind of Prawny Chorizo stylie concoction. The kids both love Chorizo too so it’s a winner, although with this particular dish didn’t bother giving to them since Boo’s new found hatred of Prawns (she used to love them! I can’t help feeling it’s my fault for giving her too many Chorizo and Prawn combinations) and Bears disgust at being served up Sweet Potato – no idea where that came from?! I didn’t think this one would go down too well. So this was just for the grown ups in our house, although some would argue there actually aren’t any! 🙂

Ingredients

  • 1 Chorizo sausage – halved and sliced
  • 1 cup peeled Prawns (cooked/frozen/uncooked – whatever your preference)
  • 1 Sweet Potato – chopped into small chunks
  • half an Onion – finely chopped
  • 3 cloves Garlic – crushed
  • 1 glass rose wine
  • 1 teaspoon Paprika
  • 1 cup frozen Peas
  • 1 cup of Risotto rice
  • 1.5 ltr chicken stock
  • a good handful of parmesan cheese
  • knob of butter
  • Salt and Pepper

Method

  • Heat your oven to 180 degrees
  • Plonk a knob of butter in a pan big enough to hold the risotto and fry off the chopped onion and garlic, add into the pan the rice and coat all over with the garlicy oniony mixture until the rice goes a bit see through
  • Boil a kettle and make your chicken stock, one or two ladles at a time pour into the pan, along with the glass of rose wine, and keep stirring (if you stir vigorously throughout you will release more starch so the risotto will be creamier)
  • Cut up the Sweet Potato into chunks and drizzle with olive oil, sea salt and black pepper. Pop in the oven for about 20 mins – hopefully the time it takes for the Risotto to cook.

sweet pot

  • Meanwhile, while the rice is cooking, chop up the chorizo and put with another knob of butter in a separate frying pan, fry for a few minutes until the butter turns orange and the chorizo becomes harder in texture.
  • Keep adding and stirring that risotto rice. Add in half the parmesan cheese, paprika and salt and pepper to taste (I like to put LOADS of pepper in)
  • Add in the chorizo along with the butter it was cooked in and if you have frozen prawns, put them in now too
  • Keep stirring and tasting the rice until almost done, add the peas, and if you have fresh prawns, cooked or uncooked, this is when you would add them followed by the rest of the parmesan.

chorizo risotto

  • Take the sweet potato out of the oven and stir through the risotto.Check the prawns and rice before dishing up.
  • I grated a bit more Parmesan on top too, can never have too much Parmesan!
  • Eat. Yumski.

 

 

Top Tip! Best way to peel an Avocado…or Mango….or Kiwi….

I love all three of the above but particulary an Avocado so when I saw this video I was really excited to try it, I normally just scoop out bits with a spoon which can be a bit tedious and messy.

I was a bit apprehensive; I thought it might be like one of my many Pinterest fails – looks amazing on screen, looks rubbish in reality….so, does it really work? The video would suggest yes, it does, so I tried it.

OMG, my life has changed forever. In the space of about a month I have eaten 245 avocados, just because I like peeling them!!!! It’s amazing, really. I am off to buy more mangoes and kiwis this week so I can have a ‘peeling awkward fruit marathon’. Thank you Dave Hax whoever you are.

 

Rolling a Wrap

I tried to instil a bit of healthy eating into my children last week and gave Boo a wrap instead of sandwich for her lunch, a nice healthy alternative to bread. What a nightmare I had trying to  roll it! It flaked as I rolled and I knew Boo would struggle eating it but still gave it to her anyway, she picked it up, and as kids seem to have no concept of how to hold food properly, she picked it up like a dainty teacup and obviously it all fell apart and the filling fell all over the table and floor, she cried. I laughed. Evil Mummy. So I thought, right, enough is enough, I am not having a wrap beat me and upset my children, I will conquer this, so I looked up some videos on how to do this on YouTube and I tried again.

I did actually take a video of me doing this to see if normal people (rather than chefs) could do it as easily but Beardy found it and cracked up laughing, which then made me totally paranoid I looked a complete wally and decided against putting it on here! lol. I can tell you this though, it’s not as easy as it looks!

The two videos I followed were these below, if, like me, you suck and rolling wraps this is very useful……

Although I found both of these helpful, I also found a tip somewhere that said to heat your wrap first before rolling as it makes it more pliable, which I would definitely recommend! The only trouble with this is that the butter melts when you put it on obviously because the wrap is warm, but butter is paramount for the sticking, bit of a catch 22 really. I had also never put butter on before, but can confirm that this is definitely needed!

I found the tucking in of the ends in the first video a bit of a problem, it kept breaking on me and I think now in hindsight I may have left too much room and tried to tuck too much of the wrap in. I did this 3 times and only one of them turned out ok, could just mean more practice needed.

The other thing I tried was to copy the second video (easier) and wrap it in foil, I left one end open and twisted the other end so the filling wouldn’t fall out, kind of like a Twister from KFC (if you’ve ever had one) and as you eat you tear away the foil. This also worked pretty well but it’s a bit of a pain having to keep tearing away the foil so not ideal by any stretch, especially for kids.

In conclusion, I would say;

  • Heat the wrap, but only for 10 seconds (it does make it easier to roll).
  • Butter the middle of the wrap, not the edges to start with, just where the filling goes.
  • Roll up and butter the edges at the end of the process to stick down (i.e. after the wrap has cooled)
  • Don’t tuck in the edges (copy the second video) but trim the ends, or if you do want to tuck the edges in, don’t leave too much, about an inch at either end is ok.

Boo ate both of these well with her tiny fingers, dropping hardly any at all.  Happy Boo Boo, Happy Mummy.