…Of course this statement is completely untrue, they don’t ruin your life at all, the gorgeous little treasures they are, BUT they do ruin your brain.
I never wanted children when I was younger until my Sister had them. My Dad even told me I’d be a rubbish Mum! Thanks Dad! He was right though, back then I didn’t even like kids; we were standing in a queue once at Thorpe Park and a little girl was in front of us, hiding coyly behind her Mum and giggling, my Sister and Cousin were looking at her smiling and saying how cute she was, she just irritated me; I had no time to be nice to children, I wanted to get on the ride (although come to think of it couldn’t have been that exciting if a 2 year old was queuing to get on???).
Anyway, now, I have turned into a proper Mum, I used to be really cool. I know I did. I can’t remember when exactly but I was definitely one of the coolest people in the world.
I was listening to the radio today having a little bit of sing-along me time (Uptown Funk), feeling cool again, when who should come on the radio but Grampy Rabbit! In my head I was willing myself to visualise Prince Vultan but I couldnt. Now, those of you with similar aged children to me, will know what I’m talking about…… obviously it was Brian Blessed, who was always known to me as Prince Vultan in Flash Gordon, always; nothing would ever make me think of him as anything else….’Gordon’s ALIVE’ – that’s what used to pop into my head every time I saw or heard him, and a very fond childhood memory of watching the film with my Dad on a Sunday afternoon! Now all that pops into my head is ‘I got up this morning…..the sea was still there…..so was the skyyyyyy….the sea the sky, the sea the sky…..’ urgh….see what I mean, soooooo uncool.
So the legend that once was Prince Vultan has broadened his acting career and been engulfed in a world of childrens character voices. Not only is he Grampy Rabbit from Peppa Pig, but once your children grow out of that, he then becomes Mr Enormomonster in Henry Hugglemonster. Worst thing for us parents is, some of these programmes are actually quite good, especially Peppa and Ben and Holly. I find my inner child gets excited about new episodes, it’s the snippet of adult humour in them; God I so love the Desert Island episode when Grandpa Pig suggests they save the chocolate bar only to turn around and see that Grampy Rabbit has scoffed the lot and Grampy Rabbit making marks in the sand for every time he thinks about cheese – that would totally be me! Ahhh you’ve gotta love a bit of Peppa. Again, not sure this is doing my cool status much good.
I find myself quite often singing songs from all sorts of kids programmes, Sofia the First, how annoying are the songs in that, but so unbelievably catchy that I sing them all the time, I think I’m singing them in my head but then I get to a crescendo and I can’t help but blurt something out…..it’s happened at work before. What’s that song you’re singing? er….er…..I try to scramble around in my tiny cartoon infested brain trying to find a cool song and all I can come up with is the theme tune to Doc McStuffins! Doc McStuffins for Gods sake! What is wrong with me? I don’t even LIKE the programme! She irritates the hell out of me! Either that or, in my desperation to find a proper song, I blurt out something lame that I’ve heard on the kids playlist like Gangnam Style.
I have come to a couple of conclusions whilst writing this:
1. I need to get a life
2. er….there really isn’t a 2.
So, I’ve taken an executive decision – I need to stop actually watching these programmes, until that happens I will not be cool, like, ever again. I’ll start tomorrow, I’ve recorded a new episode of Peppa.